Bombs rained down on the city of Kabul, not even the other Afghan people would stand up for each other, as bombs blew up houses, raiders ran into the buildings, stealing everything that wasn’t tied down. Nashmiir Satanou was one of these thieves, he had just arrived home with his latest haul of goods when the front of an old mansion was blown off, many people fled the scene with grave injuries. Nashmiir ran into the house and looked up an old staircase, seeing a jewelry box at the top he began to climb he fell through the stairs, and saw a translucent figure, a translucent figure holding a knife…
Hello Gabriel,
I see you are up to date on news events and chose to base your story on the events happening. It caught my interest and made me read on.
It’s obvious you are developing good skills as a writer. In particular, your ending intrigued me… “a translucent figure, a translucent figure holding a knife.” From this point, the story could go in many directions if it were to continue.
Keep writing and sharing.
Ross Mannell (Team 100WC)
Teacher (retired), N.S.W., Australia