Zac sped down the mountain, the furry beast lumbering after him, when he broke through the cloud barrier the sun shined yellow on his back, the good feeling was unmeasurable to anything he had ever felt. He checked the compass on the dashboard and began the long trip back to his village. Just as the Zerasa mountain was almost out of sight, when he heard groaning coming from the back seat. He turned around to see a girl, about his age. “Are we home yet dad”, she said. Then she saw Zac and screamed, “what happened to my father” she cried. “I’m sorry” Zac said, the girl began to cry…
Hello Gabriel,
You certainly know how to build tension in a story. A furry beast lumbering after you and surprise at finding a girl your age in your back seat upset and wondering where her father was sets the scene for a continuing story. Knowing Doom, it’s obvious something terrible had happened and might still. Well done.
Ross Mannell (Team 100WC)
Teacher (retired), N.S.W., Australia